


I'm Just a Narcissist

by MrsSaxon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Has nothing to do with that, Introspection, Loki has feelings about thunder, M/M, NOT Infinity War, Thunderstorms, Understatement, if that helps, song fic sort of, vague exile AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsSaxon/pseuds/MrsSaxon
Summary: Thunder woke me up, it was storming in the city; I was suddenly wide awake.Would you start to miss me? Would you start to miss me? Or am I all alone?No, I'm just a narcissist





	I'm Just a Narcissist

He knew why he was awake almost before he’d woken. The familiar  _boom_ ,  _crash_  was irresistible, even to his subconscious. He buried his face in his pillow, up to his ears, and clawed helplessly at the bed sheet under him. He still hadn’t opened his eyes; there was no need, he knew a thunderstorm when he heard it. And that was the problem: there was no thunderstorm Loki could ever sleep through. 

His last shred of denial fleeing, Loki sat straight up and reluctantly blinked open his eyes. It was early in the morning, still night by human standards. The orange glow of the streetlight outside his apartment was still streaming through his window. The thunder crashed again and after it Loki could hear a pelting rain lashing against his window.  _Must be some storm,_  he couldn’t help thinking.

Already, his body was moving without his consent. Already, he was shucking pants on, groping for a ratty hoodie he wouldn’t mind getting wet. Already, his feet were moving to the door, needing to be out in the rain. Something deep within him compelled him outside, to feel the rain on his face, to see the lightning for himself, to let the thunder rattle him. Even as he drew his hood over his bed-ravaged hair to block it all out. 

He had no reason to be out, no sensible reason. He wanted nothing, no early breakfast, not even a run. He just… had to be outside. Tossing and turning in his sleepless bed would have tormented him if he’d refused to come outside. And he knew of old that resisting would be worse for him. So he trudged forward down the soulless sidewalk, relieved he could be alone, at least, with the rain. 

With a sick twist in his gut, Loki’s thoughts inevitably turned to home… and his brother. He was no fool: he knew why he needed to be out in the rain. He held out a hand and watched the water run down his fingers. It chilled him, but he rubbed the moisture between his fingertips, hoping, pretending, wishing that… maybe Thor was in it. 

He looked to the skies, enormous droplets running down his face like fat, cold tears. On Midgard, in their cities, the clouds took on an eerie yellow color. Thor wasn’t in that color. Loki walked on, wishing he could escape the pollution of the city to see some real clouds, iron-grey, riven through with that tell-tale blue-white. That was Thor: darkness and light, potential and kinetic, soft and hard. 

The thunder rolled again and Loki’s heart clenched. The storm was so close now, he could feel it vibrate within him, and the ground, and the buildings. A huge spike of lightning crashed, bright enough to arrest Loki’s attention from the ground, demanding his audience. It landed and feedback crackled back through the cloud, a rainbow of energy glittering across the swirls; Loki gasped at the majesty of it. He bit his lip hard, wiping his eyes quickly. He hoped it had smote the ground or set some poor Midgard building on fire. They had no idea how to handle lightning. It pleased him to think that the overwhelming power might devastate everything in its wake. That was the most comforting thought Loki had had in some time.

He dare not think Thor himself was really here. He dare not search for him in the clouds. He dare not hope Thor had brought him a storm to keep him company in his exile. The thought was too sweet, it poisoned him. Loki’s shoulders hunched as he drove further into the heart of the storm. No, Thor was not thinking of him. He knew it. The clouds were sightless; it was better that way. Loki rubbed his eyes again, following only the sound of the rain as he walked. He was glad Thor wasn’t here, that made it easier.

By now, he’d almost entirely lost his way back to his apartment, but he didn’t care. His clothes were soaked through with rain and he was shivering in his bones, but he didn’t care. Standing in the howling wind, stung by the water, the thunder crashed down on him and he felt alive again. God, and he hated wanting this. This, this only time he felt like himself again.

It was funny; back on Asgard, he had never needed the thunder. On Asgard, a storm was just a storm, even when it wasn’t. Especially when it wasn’t. But now. Every storm, every sprinkle of rain, he had to be out in it. He couldn’t stop himself. Distance really did make the heart grow fonder.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "If Before I Wake" by The Districts, a song which was written by Loki.
> 
> I know there's a COUPLE of you subscribed for Thorki fic from me. And, if that's you, you WILL get an update soon. IW kicked my ass so now I have to finish that up. Sorry for the delay! And if you wanna come talk IW with me, I am all over that.


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